Observant little ...

I don't understand the answer, but I may have some ideas on the question...




getting where you're going


I saw this quote from Douglas Adams today: "I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I intended to be."

I think that describes my life to a T.

When I was teenager, I had big plans. By the age of 25, I was going to be insanely successful in my career, be married to the man I was going to spend the rest of my life with, and possibly be pregnant with the first of my two children. Which meant that as I approached my 25th birthday with no degree, no boyfriend and certainly no children, I fell into a pretty hefty depression. For my 25th birthday, I cut off all my hair and went from hair I could sit on it was that long, to a style like the blonde Gwyneth Paltrow in Sliding Doors. I threw myself a big party and invited people I hadn't seen in years as well as people I barely knew. For probably the next year, I still dwelt on all that I hadn't achieved.

But then, within the next 12 months, I graduated, got admitted as a solicitor, started dating the guy that I thought was my soulmate, changed towns, changed jobs and generally started moving towards those goals that I had set myself when I was teenager. Like was suddenly looking brighter, and I found myself going where I had intended to go.

But I never quite got there.

Instead:

- I changed jobs and moved out of the private sector and into government. Strike one for my highly successful and well-paid career. But check one for a happy and well balanced life outside of work.

- The Ex and I broke up. Strike one for my happy marriage and producing offspring. But check one for being able to do all of the things I'd put off because he couldn't afford them.

I'm not saying that I'll never do these things, but I've discovered that my success as a person is not dependant on my success at my career, or my success in a relationship, or my success as a mother. As a result of not being where I had intended to go, I've travelled New Zealand on my own, lived in Europe, developed as a songwriter, started playing keyboards and guitar again, thoroughly enjoyed my job without having to work a 14 hour day, formed friendships I never thought I would, and experimented with stuff I never thought I would.

I'm a happier person now than I was when I was going where I intended. I've come to the conclusion that it just wasn't me no matter how much I wanted it to be. Hence the identification with the Douglas Adams saying. Although, in my case, perhaps it should be amended to "I have ended up where I was meant to be"

Listening to: Mercury Rev - The Secret Migration

4 Comments:

Anonymous The Fairy said...

Ooh, so you got the CD after all... you like? I still need a couple more listens...
I like that quote too... and I've always liked the John Lennon quote "life is what happens when you're busy making other plans" - sure is true for me!
How's the kitty? :)

10:39 pm  
Blogger the urban fox said...

What a great way to look at life. Hats off to you, OLS.

10:50 pm  
Blogger verbs said...

Lovely little look at things OLS. The quarter life crisis. Some people seem to bypass that phase, but maybe they're the ones who have a mega midlife crisis. :D

11:23 pm  
Blogger OLS said...

The Fairy - nice to see you around. The kitty is doing well - he's getting all cuddly with the colder weather and has been having daily fits of insanity playing with the toys I bought him when I went to Sydney and generally pounding across the floor like he was a 3 tonne elephant and not a lightweight cat!

Urban Fox/verbs - Awwww... thanks! I feel all warm and fuzzy now. Why is it that my most introspective posts that I write purely for me always seem to get the most comments?

- OLS

8:38 am  

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