Lets talk about sex baby
This post has been prompted by two things - Di's been gettin' some, and SwissToni directed me to Belle de Jour, which I have been reading with fascination. Start from the beginning if you're going to read it.
I keep on reading in magazines like Cosmo that sex is supposed to get better with a long-time partner. But it just hasn't been my experience. And from chatting to various friends, it isn't just me. With a one night stand, there is the excitement of something new, the exploration of someone different, but most importantly, there is usually three or four hours of foreplay (aka flirting).
Most of the guys I know stop flirting once they have the girl. And from those I've talked to, this is not because they're not trying or complacency, but because they just don't equate flirting with a long-term relationship.
And this is what a lot of guys don't seem to get. Foreplay, at least good foreplay, is not just physical - it's 90% flirting. And frequently, the physical bits are not what guys think they are. Going straight for the tits (used just to give you a giggle Ozbhoy) rarely works. One of my friends loves to have the bottoms of her feet tickled. For another, it's having someone play with her hair (on her head you dirty minded people!). I'm not going to tell you what mine is for the sanity of those who read this who actually know who I am. ;o)
But there is no way what any physical contact is going to get the girl amorous, if that mental element isn't there. But this is where many guys go wrong. It doesn't have to be you - a girl can be turned on by a dirty dream, flirting with some other guy all night, or a myriad of other things - but the mental element does have to be there. And generally, it's better if it's you. Which is where flirting comes in.
Guys frequently flirt without even seeming to think about it when it's a one night stand. But as soon as you're in a relationship, they want the bloody road map. We're not like you: there is no one single place to go with hands or lips which will guarantee an orgasm. It's different for every girl, and likely it's different each time. There is no road map.
And when it comes to general directions, I can offer guys only two pieces of advice:
1. Never stop flirting - a cheeky comment, a come hither glance, an "innocent" brush of the hand - these all continue to work even after you're living with the girl.
2. Don't even try if she's pissed off with you. No girl can concentrate on enjoying herself if part of her is still fuming.
As for the rest, try a little experimentation. That doesn't necessarily mean buying the Karma Sutra and trying out every position you can physically do. I mean try playing with her fingers, or brushing her hair, or giving her a massage. The sort of intimate stuff that is a step up from the physical flirting you did when you first met her. Don't work to a formula. Listen to what she says and read her body language. That will tell you if you're on the right track or not.
Girls - anything to correct/add? You can always comment anonymously. I won't mind.
Listening to: Damien Rice - O
I keep on reading in magazines like Cosmo that sex is supposed to get better with a long-time partner. But it just hasn't been my experience. And from chatting to various friends, it isn't just me. With a one night stand, there is the excitement of something new, the exploration of someone different, but most importantly, there is usually three or four hours of foreplay (aka flirting).
Most of the guys I know stop flirting once they have the girl. And from those I've talked to, this is not because they're not trying or complacency, but because they just don't equate flirting with a long-term relationship.
And this is what a lot of guys don't seem to get. Foreplay, at least good foreplay, is not just physical - it's 90% flirting. And frequently, the physical bits are not what guys think they are. Going straight for the tits (used just to give you a giggle Ozbhoy) rarely works. One of my friends loves to have the bottoms of her feet tickled. For another, it's having someone play with her hair (on her head you dirty minded people!). I'm not going to tell you what mine is for the sanity of those who read this who actually know who I am. ;o)
But there is no way what any physical contact is going to get the girl amorous, if that mental element isn't there. But this is where many guys go wrong. It doesn't have to be you - a girl can be turned on by a dirty dream, flirting with some other guy all night, or a myriad of other things - but the mental element does have to be there. And generally, it's better if it's you. Which is where flirting comes in.
Guys frequently flirt without even seeming to think about it when it's a one night stand. But as soon as you're in a relationship, they want the bloody road map. We're not like you: there is no one single place to go with hands or lips which will guarantee an orgasm. It's different for every girl, and likely it's different each time. There is no road map.
And when it comes to general directions, I can offer guys only two pieces of advice:
1. Never stop flirting - a cheeky comment, a come hither glance, an "innocent" brush of the hand - these all continue to work even after you're living with the girl.
2. Don't even try if she's pissed off with you. No girl can concentrate on enjoying herself if part of her is still fuming.
As for the rest, try a little experimentation. That doesn't necessarily mean buying the Karma Sutra and trying out every position you can physically do. I mean try playing with her fingers, or brushing her hair, or giving her a massage. The sort of intimate stuff that is a step up from the physical flirting you did when you first met her. Don't work to a formula. Listen to what she says and read her body language. That will tell you if you're on the right track or not.
Girls - anything to correct/add? You can always comment anonymously. I won't mind.
Listening to: Damien Rice - O
posted by OLS |
Tuesday, February 22, 2005 | 10:44 am
4 Comments:
I can only speak from my own experience in terms of a long term relationship (15 years this year I think) but sex did get better - we are very compatible in this area. I have heard of some mismatched couples where their libidos don't match up and it sounds like an exhausting and constant battle.
Things have changed with the longevity of the relations, but there are moments which are better than others. I mostly enjoy the ease we have with other. We have encountered many changes - children being the main one.
We appreciate certain opportunities more like when the children have a sleep over somewhere else, when we get to go away without the children. Given that this is the first time in 6 years that we haven't had to share our bedroom with a small child - we are enjoying freedom.
After all this time together the concept of starting all over again with someone else is frightening in the extreme!
hahaha, you said tits. Hahahahaha
What do you make of Belle?
Ozbhoy - thought you'd enjoy that.
SwissToni - I like her blog. It reads like a very matter of fact view of the world of the high class pro. As to whether it's real or a good hoax. I don't know. Don't really care actually, it's still a good read. ;o)
- OLS
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