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I have lots to talk about today, so I'm not going to talk about any of it. I'm going to put up some more of my poetry from a couple of years ago.

Some of you may remember a movie with Janet Jackson in it called Poetic Justice. The movie was pretty bad, but the poetry she quotes was written by an actual black American poet and I really liked it. There was one poem in particular that I liked called Phenomenal Woman.

I first saw that movie and heard that poem when I was starting to build up my confidence after having had it knocked out of my through primary school and the early part of high school. It was the first time that I really thought about the fact that most women don't look like movie stars, but guys find them beautiful and sexy anyway. It's like stating the obvious now, but it was a revelation to me at the time.

The following poem is along the same lines. It's actually lyrics to a song, so the first stanza is the chorus, the 3rd is a refrain, and the rest are the verses.

I'll never be a supermodel
I'll never be a beauty queen
But I look in the mirror and I like what I see
I look in the mirror and I see me

People used to tease me
I'm the proverbial square peg
I felt left out in high school
'Cause I wasn't tall with long legs

But things have change since those years of insecurity

I like the way my eyes shine
The way they change when I'm shirty
I like the way my mouth kinks
When I'm thinking something dirty

I like the way my body looks
When I'm wearing stuff that suits me
I like the colour of my skin
It's delicate fragility

But even more than outside looks
I like the person I've become
I like my brains, I like my strength
I like my own sarcastic tongue

As I've matured I've learnt to see
That beauty's in your attitude
That sexiness is dependant on
Your confidence and your mood

So now I'm sorry for those who will
Never learn what I now know
Those bitchy girls in high school
Who'll never see: it's all a show

Another one, which I suppose is along the same lines, is a poem I wrote a little later called "Image". I suppose this one was inspired by Ben Folds Five's "The Best Imitation of Myself". When I was little, I really wore my heart on my sleeve - you could tell exactly what I was thinking by the expression on my face, and generally you could tell what was on my mind because it came out of my mouth. Out of self-preservation, I eventually learnt to tone it down, but it's always felt a bit fake to me. Also, I wrote this back when The Ex was overseas and I was trying not to let it bother me. There was a lot of crap happening around that time and I really needed him, but he was out of contact. Hence the depressing note of the poem.

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I show this happy face to people I don't know
They can't understand the troubled waters below
My acting ability has reached the point where
My feelings are unknown, even to my own ear

But I'm a coper, I cope with everything
I laugh, I shout, I smile, I sing
I never let them see
That there's another me

I'm everyone's agony aunt when things go wrong
I'm the one who copes, I'm the one who's always strong
I deal with other people's problems, never mine
My solutions to their hassles, that's where I shine

For I'm a coper, I cope with everything
I laugh, I shout, I smile, I sing
I never let them see
That there's another me

Only with my best friends do I become myself
I give my feelings reign, not sit upon the shelf
Although they sometimes scare me with their force and strength
They are a part of me, from them I draw my strength

Since I'm a coper, I cope with everything
I laugh, I shout, I smile, I sing
I never let them see
That there's another me

So though these other people don't know the real me
My friends understand and it's me they want to see
Even when I'm bitchy or moody or not fun
They still like the real me, my true self, and one on one

So I'm a coper, I cope with everything
I laugh, I shout, I smile, I sing
I never let them see
That there's another me

I'm listening to Garbage at the moment. Listening to their first CD always reminds me of my first Livid. In particular, jumping and running through the crowds from the alternative stage, where I'd been in the mosh pit for Weezer, to the main stage, where Garbage had started, singing along to the chorus of "Not My Idea" and getting some very strange looks from people until they realised that I was actually singing along to the band on the stage. ;o)

Listening to: Garbage - self titled