Boyfriends vs boy friends
Bo Peep's Sheep has been lamenting the loss of her straight male friends since her marriage. In particular, that her straight male friends don't hug her anymore. She says:
But apparently there is a practice among the men folk that you don't touch another guys girl, not in friendship or any other ship. It's apparently the respectful thing to do, and also the only guaranteed way not to get your head punched in.
I left a very long comment on her blog, and was going to write more, but then I realised that I should just blog about it here. To recap, I wrote (slightly amended):
I think the reason why you tend to lose your single friends when you're coupled up has to do with something different. I think it has more to do with the fact that the singles still want to go out every weekend and meet people, while the couples want to start spending more time at home. Or there's always the "they don't like your partner" problem.
As for the hugging thing - I managed to keep my male friends when I was coupled up mainly because I would hug them exactly the same way that I hugged my female friends. Also, I was perfectly happy for The Ex to hug any female friends. But I think I was lucky that The Ex was a friend along with all of my other male friends long before he was "the boyfriend", so there was that comfort zone there already.
I know what you mean about male friends. When I was overseas, I made some great female friends, but almost no close male friends. I think one of the main reason I was so homesick was that I missed that male influence on my life - I missed chatting to my Dad, my brother and my male friends about their perspective on the stuff that was happening in my life.
I like guys. Most of them, I like in a completely non-sexual way. I like girls too, but I need to have both in my life to feel balanced.
Guys tend to be more straight-forward. My male friends almost never notice whether I've put on weight or lost it (or if they do, they don't comment). They don't compliment me on that great top. They never notice my shoes. But they are the first to comment on my new job or to ask me in-depth questions about the kind of work I'm doing now. They are the first to say "you look great" when I'm happy. They appreciate my questions about what they've been up to lately - in work, in relationships, at play. There's no competition with my male friends.
Girls are also great. They will analyse with me exactly what that guy I like said so we can determine whether he really likes me or not. They will discuss boys as sexual beings and whether he looks better with a beard or not. They will talk about my hair colour or style with me and give me an opinion on whether it will suit me or not. They will tell me that they love my top or give me an opinion on whether that skirt makes my bum look big when shopping. They will go shopping with me.
As for the hugging thing - I'm a very touchy person. I hug everyone - male, female, gay or straight - they all get the same sort of hug. My Mum, Dad and brother get the same hug as well. The kids don't because I would break them if I did, but they get the equivalent for their size. The only people I hug differently are the guys I'm sexually involved with. Theirs are different - not just because they tend to be longer and involve the occasional kiss, but the way you position your body is different somehow. You can always tell from looking at two people hugging whether they are sexually involved or not.
Thinking of hugging, have you ever noticed how different people hug really differently? Girls mostly seem to hug much the same (though the greeting hug is different from the comfort hug), but guys vary from the quick, awkward patting sort of hug, to the quick squeeze to the enveloping bear hug. I personally like the last type, especially when the guy doesn't squash your face when he hugs you. Like flirting, some guys just seem to know how to do it naturally, some learn with time and training, and some never learn at all.
See? Told you I had a lot more to say! ;o)
Listening to: Rage on ABC TV
But apparently there is a practice among the men folk that you don't touch another guys girl, not in friendship or any other ship. It's apparently the respectful thing to do, and also the only guaranteed way not to get your head punched in.
I left a very long comment on her blog, and was going to write more, but then I realised that I should just blog about it here. To recap, I wrote (slightly amended):
I think the reason why you tend to lose your single friends when you're coupled up has to do with something different. I think it has more to do with the fact that the singles still want to go out every weekend and meet people, while the couples want to start spending more time at home. Or there's always the "they don't like your partner" problem.
As for the hugging thing - I managed to keep my male friends when I was coupled up mainly because I would hug them exactly the same way that I hugged my female friends. Also, I was perfectly happy for The Ex to hug any female friends. But I think I was lucky that The Ex was a friend along with all of my other male friends long before he was "the boyfriend", so there was that comfort zone there already.
I know what you mean about male friends. When I was overseas, I made some great female friends, but almost no close male friends. I think one of the main reason I was so homesick was that I missed that male influence on my life - I missed chatting to my Dad, my brother and my male friends about their perspective on the stuff that was happening in my life.
I like guys. Most of them, I like in a completely non-sexual way. I like girls too, but I need to have both in my life to feel balanced.
Guys tend to be more straight-forward. My male friends almost never notice whether I've put on weight or lost it (or if they do, they don't comment). They don't compliment me on that great top. They never notice my shoes. But they are the first to comment on my new job or to ask me in-depth questions about the kind of work I'm doing now. They are the first to say "you look great" when I'm happy. They appreciate my questions about what they've been up to lately - in work, in relationships, at play. There's no competition with my male friends.
Girls are also great. They will analyse with me exactly what that guy I like said so we can determine whether he really likes me or not. They will discuss boys as sexual beings and whether he looks better with a beard or not. They will talk about my hair colour or style with me and give me an opinion on whether it will suit me or not. They will tell me that they love my top or give me an opinion on whether that skirt makes my bum look big when shopping. They will go shopping with me.
As for the hugging thing - I'm a very touchy person. I hug everyone - male, female, gay or straight - they all get the same sort of hug. My Mum, Dad and brother get the same hug as well. The kids don't because I would break them if I did, but they get the equivalent for their size. The only people I hug differently are the guys I'm sexually involved with. Theirs are different - not just because they tend to be longer and involve the occasional kiss, but the way you position your body is different somehow. You can always tell from looking at two people hugging whether they are sexually involved or not.
Thinking of hugging, have you ever noticed how different people hug really differently? Girls mostly seem to hug much the same (though the greeting hug is different from the comfort hug), but guys vary from the quick, awkward patting sort of hug, to the quick squeeze to the enveloping bear hug. I personally like the last type, especially when the guy doesn't squash your face when he hugs you. Like flirting, some guys just seem to know how to do it naturally, some learn with time and training, and some never learn at all.
See? Told you I had a lot more to say! ;o)
Listening to: Rage on ABC TV
posted by OLS |
Saturday, June 11, 2005 | 8:08 am
1 Comments:
Yeah, I think when your male friends are friends with your boyfriend, that helps a lot with you being able to maintain your friendship with your male friends.
OLS
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